From: BioBiz 2008
To: Fabian Kong
Date: 26 March 2008 13:25
Subject: BioBiz 2008 Important Information
Dear Participant,
Thank you for joining us in BioBiz 2008.
Due to the large number of attendees we will be expecting, please remember to arrive promptly at 8am for the registration. All attendees are expected to be seated by 8.45 am. Please remember to bring your matriculation card and official receipt along for registration. Only those who present both will be admitted to the conference. The conference pass, which also admits you to the career fair, will only be given out during the morning registration.
Conference Pass MUST BE WORN AT ALL TIMES. Anyone without the conference pass will not be admitted.
The dress code for this event would be business wear (i.e. For females: shirt and skirt or pants; For males: shirt and tailored pants, tie not needed). Please be appropriately attired as there will be many distinguished guests present. Details on the conference are as follows:
Date: 29th March 2008
Venue: Matrix@Biopolis
Time: 8.45am to 4.30pm (Registration starts at 8am)
ALL ATTENDEES MUST BE SEATED BY 8.45AM
Please note that the career fair and resume collection will only take place after the conference. You are strongly encouraged to bring along your resume as we will be collating the resumes to send to the participating biomedical companies."
Please also note that attendee will only be allowed to hand in their own resume.
We look forward to seeing you at the conference and joining us in Exploring Singapore's Biomedical Horizon!
Sincerely,
BioBiz 2008 Organizing Committee
My Analysis with the 7Cs
Courtesy
The author started off with a good note. However, by using capital letters in the body of the email, it sounds that the author is shouting. Personally, I prefer important instructions to be in bold and underlined. Courteousness is lost when the author uses uppercase to emphasise certain instructions which are to be adhered to by participants of this conference. Take paragraph 4 as an example - ALL ATTENDEES MUST BE SEATED BY 8.45AM. It should be ‘All attendees are to be seated by 8.45 am.'
Correctness
I noticed a couple of minor mistakes in the aspect of capitalisation and reflexive pronoun use in paragraph four and six respectively. Usage of ‘please remember’ sounds informal and it is used twice in the same paragraph
Conciseness
It is reasonably concise without necessary elaborative sentences. Some minor redundancies still present.
Clarity, and Coherence & Cohesion
The second and third paragraph should be revised. The issue of conference pass should be put together in a paragraph. The same idea must be put together.
Concreteness and Completeness
The author has provided the information needed for me to attend the conference in this email.
15 February 2009
2 February 2009
Resolving Conflicts
Stephanie is the second child among all three siblings. Her elder brother is currently in first year junior college while her younger brother is still in primary school. Due to a reasonably large age gap between the two brothers, problems happen in the household. Her parents are divorced three years ago.
Stephanie’s brothers stay together in the same room. Her younger brother, Danny is sitting for PSLE this year. Being a very studious person, he usually spends a lot of time revising in his room. However, the eldest, Steven usually listens to loud music, disturbing Danny. There have been many times since Danny complains this matter to their mother but to no avail, Steve continues to do such inconsiderate action. The elder brother may sometimes disturb and play pranks to irritate Danny. Steve often invites his friends and messes up the room, especially Danny’s belongings.
Until recently, Steve started to ask money from Danny and Stephanie almost daily. Danny realised his coin box is half empty. He refused to tell his siblings the reason and threatened them not to tell their mother. This causes them to be suspicious. Both Danny and Stephanie cannot let this issue to continue further. They are still in dilemma on whether to confront their brother directly or to tell their mother directly. They are not able to bear Steve’s character and attitude. Stephanie is caught in the middle as she does not want the relationship between her brothers to be badly affected.
Stephanie’s brothers stay together in the same room. Her younger brother, Danny is sitting for PSLE this year. Being a very studious person, he usually spends a lot of time revising in his room. However, the eldest, Steven usually listens to loud music, disturbing Danny. There have been many times since Danny complains this matter to their mother but to no avail, Steve continues to do such inconsiderate action. The elder brother may sometimes disturb and play pranks to irritate Danny. Steve often invites his friends and messes up the room, especially Danny’s belongings.
Until recently, Steve started to ask money from Danny and Stephanie almost daily. Danny realised his coin box is half empty. He refused to tell his siblings the reason and threatened them not to tell their mother. This causes them to be suspicious. Both Danny and Stephanie cannot let this issue to continue further. They are still in dilemma on whether to confront their brother directly or to tell their mother directly. They are not able to bear Steve’s character and attitude. Stephanie is caught in the middle as she does not want the relationship between her brothers to be badly affected.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
