Stephanie is the second child among all three siblings. Her elder brother is currently in first year junior college while her younger brother is still in primary school. Due to a reasonably large age gap between the two brothers, problems happen in the household. Her parents are divorced three years ago.
Stephanie’s brothers stay together in the same room. Her younger brother, Danny is sitting for PSLE this year. Being a very studious person, he usually spends a lot of time revising in his room. However, the eldest, Steven usually listens to loud music, disturbing Danny. There have been many times since Danny complains this matter to their mother but to no avail, Steve continues to do such inconsiderate action. The elder brother may sometimes disturb and play pranks to irritate Danny. Steve often invites his friends and messes up the room, especially Danny’s belongings.
Until recently, Steve started to ask money from Danny and Stephanie almost daily. Danny realised his coin box is half empty. He refused to tell his siblings the reason and threatened them not to tell their mother. This causes them to be suspicious. Both Danny and Stephanie cannot let this issue to continue further. They are still in dilemma on whether to confront their brother directly or to tell their mother directly. They are not able to bear Steve’s character and attitude. Stephanie is caught in the middle as she does not want the relationship between her brothers to be badly affected.
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An average student in NUS learning to communicate professionally in the academic world and later, in working life.
6 comments:
This is a rather difficult situation.
I feel that Danny and Stephanie should talk things out with Steve first. The exchange should not be a confrontational one but rather one where his younger siblings explain their concern for him, assure him that they will keep confident his problems, and express a desire to help him. Hopefully such an exchange will prompt Steve to open up. Additionally, from the goodwill built up from such an exchange, Danny can also address the issues that he has with Steve by sharing his feelings with Steve and work out some sort of compromise. (This part of things may be hard to do unless Danny is a VERY mature primary school kid... ...)
It may not be a good move for them to approach their mother directly as bringing in an authoritative figure may break what trust Steve has in his siblings and widen the rift between them. But if the problem that Steve has is too big for the siblings to handle, it may be best in the long run to let some adult know.
Hi Fabian,
Wanliang has indeed given a all-rounded view on the conflict and has suggested good solutions in which the siblings could have taken.
I agree that if the mother will to handle the situation through an authoritative manner, by bringing her into the picture may possibly put a stop to the conflict. However, it may just be a temporary one which could snowball into a rebellious and more difficult situation to handle in the long run.
From your entry it seems like the siblings are pretty close and care for one another a lot. Thus, perhaps Stephanie and Danny can approach their brother to ask about his problems and try to understand how he's feeling and what he's going through. I'm not sure how old is Stephanie, but if she is knowledgeable and mature enough, perhaps, she can assure her elder brother that she and Danny will try their best to help him out of his problems. This may help Steve to feel comforted that at least his siblings are caring for him and willing to help.
Knowing about the problem, as siblings, I guess Steve should apologize for the money taken and Stephanie and Danny should forgive their brother and try to work on the solutions together instead. If the problem is too difficult to handle by only the 3 of them, they can perhaps approach their mum for help, without telling her about the money issue.
Hi Fabian,
In this situation, I feel that Danny and Stephanie must be very sensitive in the way they approach the conflict since they do not want to harm their relationship with Steven.
As for Steven's bad behaviour, it might be a warning sign of something more serious such as a drug addiction or psychological disorder. Therefore, I feel that the best move for Stephanie and Danny would be to approach their mother and voice their concerns.
Then, in order to maintain a positive atmosphere between the three siblings, Stephanie and Danny should try to repair bad feelings by speaking directly to Steven about their concern for his wellbeing and that being the sole reason behind them informing their parents about the situation. Then they might be able to arrive on a compromise so that Steven's music does not disrupt Danny's studies and Steven's friends do not mess around with Danny's belongings.
Hey all. Thanks for those wonderful solutions. I didn't realise that it's going to be a difficult scenario.
Wanliang: I would agree getting an authoritative figure to solve this problem. Discussion between the mother and the two younger siblings should be done first.
Grace & Anu: The siblings are very close. They wouldn't want their elder brother to mix with bad company or fall into any delinquency/problems. There should be a way to have Steve to spill out all his problems to his siblings without mentioning the money issue.
Hihi Fabian,
It seems like the young ones are in some trouble themselves. In this situation, it is good that the children would and if can talk to one another to resolve this current issue.
It is not good to jump the gun as their mother is busy working to feed her kids. If Stephanie and Danny going up to get help, there could be a possibility of misunderstanding by the mother when she hears bits and pieces of their story. With such an incomplete picture, you'd get friction among the family members, and that without a fatherly figure in the family, there could be too much pressure for their mother to handle.
Let the kids handle it among themselves and then if need be, seek a solution from their mother if they cant handle it among themselves.
Hey Fabs..
I think Danny and Stephanie may not be able to solve this themselves? They are probably a tad too young to understand tact and to understand the complexity of the problems. It is tough being stuck in the middle, so i believe it's best to consult an adult about this issue.
Furthermore, conflicts always happen between siblings, it's always best to not harbour hard feelings. Maybe bringing Steve to a counsellor would help?
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